In case you’ve been living under a rock or haven’t wandered the greeting card aisle of any store in the United States, Mothers’ Day is rapidly approaching. As in it’s this coming Sunday. For many of us who wear the title honored by the day, it will be an opportunity to visit with those to whom we quite literally gave life . . . and then allowed them to keep it despite being driven to the brink of insanity, often on a daily basis. There may be flowers or candy or a meal together. There may be a sweet card acknowledging our impact on their lives and our role in who they have become . . . or it may be a really stupid/funny one acknowledging our good fortune in having birthed such an amazing creature. Hopefully, whether you’re a mother, a mama, a mom, or a mommy, it will be a good day surrounded by your children.
But what about those mothers whose children can’t be there to honor them? What about those mothers whose children have already gone before them—who are now waiting for them in another time and place? To those women who have been forced to surrender their children to Death . . . you are still their mother. You will always be their mother. The length of time you may or may not have held them has no bearing on your right to wear that name. And no one can ever take that away from you, nor should they even try.
Fortunately, there are those people who have absolutely no idea of what it means to suffer that kind of loss. Unfortunately, because they are so blessed, some of them believe mothers only have living children. If your child has been claimed by Death, they are no longer your child, so you are no longer their mother, especially if that child died before birth.
How wrong . . . how very, very wrong these people are.
When my mother died, it didn’t mean I no longer had a mother. It simply meant I no longer had a mother here. Despite her absence, she will always be my mother. The same holds true when a child dies. It doesn’t mean that mother no longer has a child. They no longer have that child here. And although they are not physically present, they are still very much alive in the heart and the soul of that mother, and nothing will ever change that.
Some wise person once noted that almost every kind of loss has a name for those who survive. If your spouse dies, you are a widow or a widower. If your parents die, you are an orphan. But when a child dies there is no name to describe those parents left behind. It is a loss that defies comprehension. That’s why, on this day set aside to honor all mothers, I want to say that even if your child only lives in your heart and your memory, whether they were a toddler or a teen or an adult when they were taken from you . . . even if they never took their first breath . . . you are and always will be, their mother. And you should be honored, if not for the sacrifices you so willingly make and the love you so freely give, then for the burden of loss you will carry until you can hold your child again.
About the author: Lisa Shackelford Thomas is a fourth generation member of a family that’s been in funeral service since 1926. She has been employed at Shackelford Funeral Directors in Savannah, Tennessee for over 40 years and currently serves as the manager there. Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone, and may or may not reflect the opinions of other Shackelford family members or staff.
