“I’m his fifth wife . . .”

That’s how the conversation started.

“I’m his fifth wife and I’ve got the marriage license to prove it . . .”

The innocent secretary who’d answered the phone that morning had no clue what she was in for, or she might have reconsidered.  The gentleman in question (the one with at least four previous wives) had been buried several days before, so she could see an issue approaching on the horizon. If this woman truly was his wife, she had the right to make his funeral arrangements . . . which had not only been made by someone else but also carried out.  That’s why I was handed the call.  Settling into a chair in the front office, I made sure my pen and paper and coffee cup were handy, and picked up the receiver. After introducing myself and briefly stating what I understood to be the reason for her call, she said it again, “I’m his fifth wife and I’ve got the marriage license to prove it. “

“All right . . . but can you prove you were never divorced? “

*crickets*

All a marriage license proves is that you were married; it doesn’t prove you still are.  During the arrangement conference his family told us he was divorced (although given the circumstances, we were no longer sure from which wife since they didn’t seem to be aware of this one).  So that’s what went on the record.  And that’s what went to Social Security.  And that’s what went on the death certificate.

In other words, could she prove something never happened? Because that’s what she’d have to do when she stood before a judge seeking to have his marital status changed. A court order is the only way to alter something that important.

And that, my friends, leads us to our subject of the day . . . marital status at death in the State of Tennessee and what that means under some often murky circumstances.

The woman in our story believed she could just call up the funeral home and we’d change the information the family gave us. After that I’m not sure where she was headed.  She may have been interested in widow’s benefits through Social Security, which is what we usually see (and yes, I said usually, meaning this wasn’t our first such call, although I believe her place in the line of succession may have been unique).  But it also isn’t the only misconception regarding marital status and how important accuracy and understanding are when it crosses paths with Death.

For example, not having seen your estranged spouse in 37 years means nothing when you draw your last breath.  Unless you’ve put some legal documents in place, that person has the right to make your funeral arrangements.  And if we can’t find them so they can sign a document waiving those rights, everyone gets to wait seven days before anyone else can take charge.  We all know expecting someone to make an estranged spouse’s funeral arrangements after going no contact for 37 years is beyond ridiculous 99% of the time (yes, there’s that 1% who actually do show up and follow through), but the law is still the law.  And where Death and disposition are concerned, the law in Tennessee says a spouse is still a spouse until they’re legally not, so they still retain their rights in that matter.

Been living together for half a century but never saw the need to get married?  That’s fine—until one of you dies and the other wants to make the funeral arrangements.  Common law marriage doesn’t exist in Tennessee, so again, unless you have proper legal paperwork in place, things may not proceed as either of you planned.

It’s so easy to take care of most of these matters, as long as you start before you die instead of thinking someone else can after you’re gone.  A Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare will allow you to appoint someone to take care of your final arrangements—so if you don’t want that spouse you haven’t seen in 37 years deciding what happens to your earthly remains, or you do want to be certain your partner of 50 years does, you can legally make it so.

A Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare is very different from the Powers of Attorney we discussed last week (kindly see “Nothing Lasts Forever” if you’re clueless), so don’t let the names confuse you.  Each is useful in the right circumstances, but the only one that will allow someone to care for you after death is the one for Healthcare . . . which may seem a bit strange, but we didn’t name it.  We’re just advocating for its use.

About the author:  Lisa Shackelford Thomas is a fourth generation member of a family that’s been in funeral service since 1926.  She has been employed at Shackelford Funeral Directors in Savannah, Tennessee for over 40 years and currently serves as the manager there.  Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone, and may or may not reflect the opinions of other Shackelford family members or staff.

The post Till Death Do You Part appeared first on Shackelford Funeral Directors | Blog.